I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
this is an emotional support booty call
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