O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
