Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic