Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
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He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here