our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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