Acid is not a monday night drug
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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