I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again