me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
