The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.