Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
