I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
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Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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