i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
