The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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