didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
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I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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