I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
