I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
