Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Found the puke drawer
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Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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