I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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