So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
