Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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