The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
