the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
where does the pee come out of this thing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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