3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
