oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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