ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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