remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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