i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
