I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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