he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
is it fun? or sober?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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