There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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