your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
