Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
