come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
