it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
