Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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