Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I wear drunk well.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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