So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
