He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
