So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
