Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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