idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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