I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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