theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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