I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
