Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
They should really pass out barf bags in church
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
