he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
