omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
