you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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