I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
