Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
