I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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