I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
