im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
