I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
