'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
