my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
