Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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