happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
