Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
