i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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