so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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