my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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