u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
