I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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