the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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