Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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