he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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