I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
