You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
