So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
