i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
