it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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