He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
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The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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