Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
