my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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