Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
