i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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