we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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