After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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