how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
