Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
