We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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