She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
