Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
