just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
