I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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