hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
