Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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