The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
