i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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