I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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