New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
