the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
