Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
