Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
